I don't know

I can't sleep, which isn't great since I need to get up in 5 hours and go to work. I have a mug of warm milk beside me. Doesn't taste the best, but that's not why I drink it. It usually does the job of helping me sleep. Thoughts racing, on the other hand, do not. I don't know if I've done a blog of keep-me-awake thoughts, but I thought it might help.

For the past few days, I've been thinking about someone way too much, even though it's been something like 3 months since I've last saw him. No...it was past that. We had lunch one day. I think that was in June. June sounds right. Last time we were together was May. So, it's been that long. I don't know why he's been running through my mind, but he has. And it fucking hurts.

There are times when I wish I hadn't met him and then I wouldn't be feeling this way now. There are times when I wish he'd call/text/message/whatever and say that the he chose the wrong path, that he wants me back and we can move on. Other times, I just want to move on.

I don't know why I have this problem of letting things go. Maybe that's why I want to run away, so I can physically leave it behind. Physically leaving things behind is easier than mentally and emotionally leaving things behind.

I don't know if he reads this. If he does, he should know who he is based on what I've said.

If he does read this, this is for him: I don't know what I want from you. I don't know if I want to be friends with you or if I want you to pick me or if I never want to see you again. Right now, I could go for all 3 options, but then I'd be disappointed in the one it ended up being. I just want to stop hurting.

I feel like there's more I should say, but I don't know what I want to say anymore.