Intoxication

This entry is being written while I may or may not be slightly intoxicated. Leading slightly towards the may. I apologize in advance for the bad spelling/grammar.

So, today was my friend Wendy's (HI WENDY!!!) birthday party. At one point, my teacher pants came on, but it didn't work so well. See, I called the cabs to get us downtown. If you call a cab to go downtown at midnight, you have to call at like 11. I somehow managed to get one to come and they said it was on the way. I clapped my hands (you know...clap-clap-clapclapclap) to get attention. It didn't work. So I just yelled the cabs were on the way. Then the cabs were there. So then, I tried again to figure out who was going where. Didn't work out. Teacher pants off, hulk pants on. "Get off your ass and come on! CAB. IS. HEEEERE." Ok, maybe not like that. But still!

For most of the evening, teacher pants on again as I was frequently concerned where the other people were. I dunno where they were. I didn't like this. Like knowing where everyone is! I finally gave up and eventually made it home.

I'm getting too old for this, I think. That, or I can't lose myself in the alcoholness (Google says that's not a word.) and just forget everything. No! I don't like that. I need to be in control of my mind and my body. None of this drinking and waking up the next morning not sure how I got there. I know I got a cab home. It was a CO-OP cab, which I don't see very often. I know I'll be sleeping soon, in my own bed. I may or may not change clothes. I am getting quite tired. Point is, I am in control. Not the alcohol, ME. That's probably why I don't do drugs...I want my control. I like my control.

I may also be weirded out by the age differences of me and the downtown/club people. A lot of them...19, 20, 21...I'm 25. They're too young for me. That and I just have a dislike for the general population as a whole.

And I don't like this music they listen to. Except while drinking. And it needs a damn good bass/beat so I can dance. No, I can't dance to Journey. I don't know why Journey has become so popular all over again. Yes, I do like that other people know Don't Stop Believin', but how many other Journey songs can they name? Besides, I love loving a band that others haven't heard of. Not saying that everyone is like this. No way. I know this. But it seems that way. Prove me wrong, people!

I think I'm done now. Time to get a glass of water and then sleepy.

Night night.

Adult Child

This is a long weekend for many Canadians, due to Canada Day being on a Friday. My father decided to take a three-day weekend and turn it into a 5 day. (It's back to 3.5-day weekend though.) He had Thursday and Saturday off, and Sunday and Monday. The last of one week, the beginning of the next. He's decided to go back to work Sunday overnight though. He kinda makes his own hours. In the meantime, most people love the idea of a long weekend, whether it's 3, 4, 5 days long. What a time to get things done!

Wait.

This is my father.

I don't know what normal fathers do on their days off. I can guess, judging by television and movies. I also know that my grandfather, a mason by trade, also spent a lot of timing building his kitchen, digging out half a basement and redoing half his house. I have many memories of my grandfather in his workshop or shed building or working on something. He also likes fishing and keeps a garden. Television tells me that fathers also like to do a lot more around the house, golf, camp.

Not my father.

My father likes to drink. I'm not sure if you're surprised by this or not. Depends who you are and what you already know about me.

The plan was originally for him to drink from Thursday to Sunday, using Monday as a day to "recover". However, I'm sure that tomorrow will be the recovery day. The way he plans it, the way he drinks alone, drinks to escape his problems, I think you know where I'm going with this.

There are other problems, other addictions, but I won't go into this here. I will say that, yes, I'm an adult child of a parent with addictions. This is most likely the cause for a lot of my problems.

The following are a list of characteristics common in people like me:

• have to guess what normal behaviour is in many situations,
• have difficulties completing projects,
• lie when it is equally simple to tell the truth,
• are self-judgmental,
• have difficulties having fun,
• take themselves very seriously,
• have problems in intimate relationships,
• overreact to changes which they can't control,
• are always looking for approval and confirmation,
• think they're different,
• are either extremely responsible or extremely irresponsible,
• are extremely loyal, also to people who do not deserve it,
• are impulsive

I'm pretty sure I have at least 11 of these.

Therapy is going to be very interesting again. Previously, I learned how to deal and cope with the anxiety all this caused. Not, I need to untie the knots. I think these are tied up pretty strong.