Alone House

I'm currently watching the House series finale. First hour is a reflection on the last eight years, then the finale itself. Therefore, I don't mind blogging while Hugh Laurie is talking. I have Diablo 3. It's been taking up my life for the past week. I haven't been playing it as intensely as others, but I'm playing. I don't think I've been on World of Warcraft in the week. It's an enjoyable game for those who like this kind of epic fantasy role-playing game. Still at the house. There's just over a month left. But I think Tom Petty said it best: Oh yeah I'm alright I just feel a little lonely tonight I'm okay, most of the time I just feel a little lonely tonight During the day, I'm fine. I'm often not here, out running errands or working. But in the evening, if I don't have plans, or if there's no one I'm seeing...I'm a wreck in the night. I'm depressed, I'm lonely, I hate it. A few nights ago I was crying because the most meaningful conversation I had that day was with a 10 year old. Living completely alone is not for me. I need other people. We don't have to get along. We don't have to like each other. We can spend all day locked in our rooms, scheduling meal times so we don't have to talk to each other, but just having someone else there will not make me feel lonely. I don't always show it, but I'm a social creature. If you know me well enough, you may notice that I'm generally more upbeat and positive when I'm around people. If I'm alone, or feel lonely, that's it. Unfortunately, in that state, I don't want the people. Or rather, I don't want to find people. When I'm that low, I want the people to come to me of their own accord. If I can get talking to people, I may hint that I want company, but maybe I'm not doing such a good job since it doesn't work. At least not right away. Maybe I'm being complex. Or my mind is a little off. That's why I take medication, to make my mind slightly more normal. Seems to be working. I can get on buses again, which is a big deal. I miss trains though. Maybe I should go back to Europe because of the trains. I'm starting to get random. House finale episode is coming on. I'm going to watch now.

Pros and cons

First of all, they've changed blogger on me so this is kind of different to look at. Second, I've been here a while now, and there are definitely some pros and cons to living alone. Let's start with the pros. Pros - Independence. I can come and go when I please. I can watch what I want to watch. I can cook what I want to cook. Mind you, I had a lot of this while living at home as well, considering I came and went when I wanted to, having a tv in my room and working slightly off hours so I'd have to cook either a little before or a little after everyone else. - Privacy. At home, I'd need a towel or bring my clothes into the bathroom to change after a shower. Not so while alone. (Don't judge, you do it too...or you would if living alone.) No, not near windows, just down the hall to the bathroom. Cons - Loneliness. There's no one else here. I don't like that. I like knowing there's another person in the house, that if something happens, someone else is here. I don't care if I don't even talk to them, just their presence is enough to make me feel comfortable. - Coming home. I get off at 6 during the week, 7 on Saturday. I don't get home until about 45 minutes to an hour later, depending on where I am, busing and if I have to get something on my way. I don't get to eat until a while later. Even though I'm used to coming home and cooking my own food, it'd be nice to come home to a meal already cooked for me, or on the way to being cooked. I don't like the lonely. Approximately 55 days left.

Adventures in House Sitting

Hello. It's been a while. Sorry about that.

I'm house sitting now. It's interesting to say the least. First of all, I've never been alone before. Not like this. At my house, there's always someone home, particularly in the evening. Now, I have no one. I have electric heat in my house. Here, when I turned up the heat I freaked out because there's a furnace. Little things like that.

I like the independence, of coming and going when I please, making all the decisions, etc. I don't like the loneliness. I feel more comfortable downstairs where the tv is than upstairs. When upstairs, I usually have the radio on. Down here, the tv is on. Maybe because it's more closed in. Maybe because I'm more accustomed to tv than radio. Either way, I'm like a dog in that I do like the noise.

The cat is interesting. He likes to talk to me. He also likes to go outside, come in for a few minutes and want to go again. I usually don't do that and he's learning that. He's also learning that I don't like letting him out when I'm asleep or gone (though today he didn't come in before I left for work. He was here when I came back). His mannerisms amuse me.

I don't like the loneliness. That's the big thing. I'm getting used to spending nights alone, but it doesn't mean I like it. I don't think I'm one for living completely alone. I like having that other person with me. Obviously, I can be alone, but I don't think it's something I want to do full time. I think I'm more of a roommate kind of girl.

I also have to take buses more which is odd to me. I'm not used to not being so non-centrally located. Instead of walking 10 minutes to the grocery store, I have to bus 10 minutes. For now. I'm sure I'll find some method that is more feasible I guess.

That's the update for now.