I went to my family doctor today. He was impressed that I got into the START clinic so quickly and I start there tomorrow. He gave me more pills and made a note of my symptoms. It was hard to talk about the images I've had in my head. He told me that I have to tell them about the images i my head because it'll put me in a different level or something. Not sure if that's good or bad. The doctor also told me to take my pills at night. It might be easier on my stomach that way. Plus, it might help me be tired at night and alert in the day. It said it was either the pills or depression.
I'm a little scared of going. What if they want me to stay in? What if they think I'm wasting time because I'm seeing them because of a guy? Well, it's not just a guy; my happiness is dependent too much on interpersonal relationships and social interactions. I'm like a Sim whose social mood goes down quickly and then my plumbob is red. He was just my catalyst, what made me realize that my interpersonal relationships aren't good. Unfortunately, my relationships with males is ten times worse, which makes me jump at various signs of attractions. I guess we need to figure out why this is, and why social rejection sends me into a quick downward spiral that can take you down so low that you can't see the light above. You can't even see the stairs that bring you back up because it's so dark.
I still want to teach, but at this stage, I can't wrap my head around the amount of work I'd have to do. I also still want to go to Scotland. Though it actually feels more than a want. Would it be so bad to just go? Find a flat and a job, even fast food, and then try to find a teaching job for the next term, after getting settled. Would that be so bad?
Would that make me happy?
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