Fairy Tale Lives

Have you ever just been sitting somewhere, like at work, in the cubicle and just think "really? Is this is it?" and wonder when that thing will come along and turn your mundane life into something extraordinary?

I'm thinking about that scene in the pilot episode of Heroes, when Hiro Nakamura is sitting at his desk at work, staring intently at a clock, willing it to do something. Then, it turns back one second, he jumps up, pumps his fist and screams "YATTA!!". I don't know how many times I've stared out the window at work, on a bus, anywhere and wonder what my super power is. Other times, I wonder if some middle aged man with glasses and British accent will come and tell me I'm a slayer. At this point I'd probably raise an eyebrow, point to myself and say "really? Slay vampires? With THIS body? Seriously?!". Then I'd laugh.

Would still be pretty cool though.

Must be my overactive imagination mixed with my longing for a life other than the one I'm living. Well, most of it anyways.

I've been watching Once Upon a Time. It's a good show, about fairy tale characters trapped in the real world, without realizing who they really are. I liked watching Disney movies as a kid, mostly for the music. I didn't consider myself a Cinderella or Snow White. More like a Belle or Ariel, more of a lonely outcast, wanting another life. Not sure who I'm more like. I have a similar, albeit lighter colour hair as Belle, and I like reading. Ariel...well, I hate the water. Can't swim. So I guess I'm more like Belle. Unless, I really am a fairy tale character and since Ariel so desperately wanted to be in another life and I hate being in water that goes over my head...think about it. Plus, it'd explain why I enjoy having my hair dyed red.

Right. Because television is real. /end sarcasm.

Last episode of Once Upon a Time featured a genie. Like all genies, he could grant wishes. His number was three, with the typical being no life, no death, no love, no wishing for more wishes. So what would I wish for? First thing is easy....enough money to pay off the student loan, credit cards, move out, and a little left over to go see more of Europe that I didn't see. Second wish? I have no idea.

I live in a fantasy world, either in my head or online. I think it's time to go back to the world of Azeroth for a little while.

The In-Between

The past few weeks, several blog topics have gone through my mind, and I had ever intention of writing them. Of course, I get these great ideas and thoughts when I'm no where near a computer and so I can't write. Today, I have the time, I'm on the computer, and I don't want to write these topics.

Right now, I feel like I'm stuck straddling between what I want and what I have. What I have is fine, but what I want, I can't have. Not right now anyways. Plus, my emotions are playing a huge part in this. If I stay with what I have...well, my emotions would become frustrated. If I leave the situation because I can't have what I want, then I'll be sad because I won't have what I currently have. Compromising between what I want and what I have will probably just complicate things further.

I'm pretty sure I've lost you right now. It makes sense to me, and it might to you if you have an inkling about what this is about.

I know what the logical thing should be. Unfortunately, my head and my heart like to argue, particularly when it comes to this situation. I think the big question is, can I not have what I have? Considering what I was like when I didn't have it, I don't think I can. But how much will it kill me, wanting what I do, but only having what I have?

New Years Thoughts

Well, here we are again, another year down and another to come. So, I guess it's time for one of those look back at the last year.

I started off the year not long back from an amazing four months in the UK. I miss that place. It was fantastic and there was always something to do. We were busy but there was always something on the weekends. And if you got bored, it's only a train ride to London or to the airport where you can take a cheap plane to anywhere else in Europe. Wish it were like that here. So yeah, I was still on a high from that.

I turned 25 this year. That still boggles my mind. As of now, it feels like every age I turn will make me feel old, even though I won't REALLY be old. I just always thought that at 25, things would be different and I'd be a "real" adult. As of now, not yet.

I graduated university! Bachelor of Education in Primary/Elementary. Yay! After seven years of studying I am finally done. It feels great. Now, the hard part: finding a teaching job.

Made a few lifestyle changes, lost 20 lbs and gain and lose about 5 of them during the year, depends on my stress levels of the week.

Early in the year, I met someone and things were over quicker than we started. Somewhat, anyways. The repercussions of that made me a wreck for most of the summer. I hated myself for what happened, for being a fool and for falling for what I can see in retrospect were lies. I have learned that it wasn't entirely my fault and I am not fully to blame.

Then I met someone else and felt an amazing connection and had a great few weeks. It's over for now, but, despite some peoples objections, we're still talking. Why? I don't know. Maybe neither one of us wants to let go. I can't read his mind. Though if I met someone else, I'll seriously do some thinking and see how it goes.

My ex-boyfriend got married. That depressed me a little. Not because it was my ex-boyfriend, but because it was someone else my age that was taking that huge step. Also, at the time, I was dealing with the depression and mess that the first guy I mentioned left me in. Nothing against my ex. If he's happy, so be it. Good for him.

What else happened this year that was big? Nothing else that I can thing of. Oh! One of my best friends got the help she needed. Even if she had to go away to do it, she did it. I'm so proud of her and will continue to support her throughout all this.

All in all, 2011 had some good times, had some bad times. I'm not where exactly where I want to be in my life, but I'm slowly getting there. I'm ready for what 2012 has to throw at me. The big thing I'm hoping for is days in the classroom, either as a sub or something full time. A few other things I want, but I don't want to mention them. Might jinx it.

2012, bring it on!

Christmas Woes

Today, the world seems like it's turned upside down. There are too many things happening that that shouldn't be happening, or not happening that should happen. I have too many friends who are going through crises or not very good situations. Right now, I'm at the point where I wonder if anything will be normal again.

I want to be able to not worry about what I eat, if it'll cause pain later on, either in my stomach or in the heartburn regions. Even if I don't eat, I'm in pain.

I want my friends and their families to get through their situations with everyone healthy and ok.

Last night, I was told something that, while not unexpected, was not something I wanted to hear. This is twice. I don't know what I want with that.

I've had a UTI last week and my anxiety was increasing. It seems to be level again now, but still.

This time of year hasn't been easy in the past few years. It looks like this year will be similar.

Anyone remember what a normal Christmas is like?

A religious military?

I was born and raised Christian. I have no problems with admitting that. I go to church every Sunday and have no problems with that as well. However, I'm also very familiar with other major religions in the world, having read various texts from some of them, taken classes in other religions at university and making friends with people of various religions. I'm proud to admit that I know people of Jewish, Hindu and Muslim backgrounds, and yes, they are all nice, wonderful people. Even after my studying, I have come to incorporate some beliefs from other religions into my own. (What these are and how they all fit together is another story for another blog entry.) Whether or not this still makes me Christian, I don't know.

With that said, hearing something like this makes me facepalm.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0PAJNntoRgA&feature=youtu.be

His exact words are "there's something wrong in this country when gays can serve openly in the military..."

Wait, what?!

Can someone please explain to me what's wrong with open gays in the military? If someone wanted to serve their country in this way (I wouldn't be able to do it), why can't they? If someone can physically and mentally handle the pressure that this job requires, why does it matter who they're sharing their bed with?

This same goes for marriage. I've heard people say that if you say you can marry whoever you want, then you're allowing for people to marry animals, things, even adults to children. No. That's not what it is. I see no reason for marriage to be defined as a binding between TWO CONSENSUAL ADULTS. Simple as that. You can't work around that and have a man marry a tree or a woman marry a cow. The tree and cow, while they may be adults in their species, can not consent to it.

In his ad, Rick Perry states that children can't celebrate Christmas in the classroom. I, personally, haven't seen this, but I haven't been in an American classroom. As an educator, I have to (or I will once someone hires me) guide my students to succeed in the world. That includes being socially intelligent and knowing how to interact with people. For many people in the world (not so much over on this continent, but definitely in others), their religion is a huge part of who they are. Even knowing what kind of dietary restrictions people have is a help! If they're having a dinner party and inviting a Hindu and a Jew, beef and pork dishes probably aren't going to work! You might also want to make sure that your dinner party doesn't fall on a day like Rosh Hashanah or Diwali or that it starts after sunset if it's Ramadan if you're inviting a Muslim.

So, in a classroom, by all means talk about Christmas. It's part of the culture and, most likely, at least in Newfoundland, the dominant religion of the students. But talk about the other religions as well. Students will learn much more if you actually teach something rather than nothing.

I think Homer Simpson (yes, Homer Simpson) said it best:

"Because in the end, aren't all religions the same? They tell us what to eat, when to pray, that this lump of clay called Man can somehow shape himself to resemble the divine. But we can never attain that perfect grace if we have hatred in our hearts. So let us celebrate our commonalities. Some of us don't eat pork. Some of us don't eat shellfish. But we all eat chicken."

I think that last part says so much more than just what we eat.

And for once, my blog entry has come around more-or-less full circle.

Snow Snow Go Away

As we grow up, we have a tendency to grow out of things. I like to think I still have some of those childhood likes still inside, particularly enjoying the Saturday morning cartoons of my day, eating Kraft Dinner and playing video games. I have found that I no longer like Chef Boyardee though.

As a child, I loved snow. The idea of a snow day was the dream of every student. Now, snow days just bring about days of shoveling and lost money due to work being cancelled. When you're a child, you can bundle up, go outside, make a snow fort, snowman and throw snowballs (obviously, you'd be behind your fort, the snowmen are the guards and you hurl the arsenal of snowballs at the fort across the way). I wish I could still do this. Maybe if I had someone to do it with.

And remember Crazy Carpets? Those insane things to go sliding down that I think are banned around the world because they were dangerous (though I never knew anyone who hurt themselves on one)? Sliding down those were awesome!

As an adult, there is still the shoveling, walking in the middle of the road because sidewalks aren't cleared, having snow and wind blowing in your face, having the snow turn to slush when it starts melting...cold hands, feets, noses and other body parts.

Snow was much more fun as a child. I could see it in the neighbourhood kids playing on their day off while I was trying to shovel off the steps and ramp. It wasn't fun for me this afternoon. I have probably outgrown snow. That, or I'm just looking at the world through jaded eyes these last few days. I don't know if "jaded" is the best word right now, but it sounds better than depressive eyes.

From Oldest to Poorest

For those who don't know, I sponsor a child. He's about a year and a half old, named Alexander and lives in Paraguay. His birthday's the day after mine, he loves bananas and he has the cutest face. About a week ago, I got the 2011 Christmas catalogue from the company, saying "here's some things that people need, would you buy them one? Or buy one in the name of a friend?". I have no issues with it. In a few years when I can afford more, sure I'll pay an extra bit of money for some toys, an animal or help sanitary conditions. But right now, the $38 a month is the best I can afford.

The question is...why do people need to do this? I'm not asking why do we give money to those who need it, but why do these people not have the necessities? What really gets me is the places that are considered developing and third world countries. And these places are countries like Africa and India, places that are where humans may have first arisen. So, if they were here first, why are they the worse off?

Is it like the situation when there's a new baby in the family? Everyone coos over the new one (North America) and forget about the others (Africa, India). North America was among the last one colonized during the migrations 20,000-40,000 years ago, and when the Europeans came over 500 years ago.

But, people in Africa were, arguably, on the planet first. So again, I ask, why are they the worse off? I don't have an answer. Maybe someone else does? I welcome comments that tell me I'm wrong (I'd prefer it in the form of constructive criticism of course).