Still Alive

I haven't been writing much. Twice I've started to write a blog and twice I scrapped it. The first was an entry about the late Jack Layton. The second was an entry about how I can't fathom living in a small town of 350 people, as someone who did a survey with me claimed to.

I still want to write in my blog. Unfortunately, thoughts come through my mind and I'm not near my laptop, since I'm at work or on the bus. The entire entry plays in my head and then it's done. Or sometimes, I just verbalize my thoughts to whomever happens to be near and then it's done. Also, I guess it doesn't help that I like to look at people when I'm talking. I can see their expressions and get a better sense of if they're actually paying attention.

Not saying I don't value my readers here. I like knowing that someone out there enjoys reading the thoughts that go through my head. However, I'm the kind of person who needs a computer attached to their brain to get everything out. That, or I need a keyboard on my phone (besides the one it comes with) because typing a lot with just thumbs can get pretty annoying.

I'll try to do better.

Decision Made

The decision is made, at least in my head. I haven't made it known to the higher ups, but it's being posted on my blog, which officially makes it official.

I'm gonna leave Wal-Mart. Yeah, the 10% discount is nice, but I can't do that. I'll drive myself insane if I stay there. Or...at least...more so than normal. It's just too stressful. Besides, I'm not 100% sure how working a lot there would influence my chances of getting into see a psychiatrist, despite being already on the waiting list. (Yeah, I'm still waiting.)

It might mean less money for running away though, but, well, I just can't do that.

They've also scheduled me to work on the first Wednesday night back to choir! Nooooo! Dislike. I've also been scheduled for mostly evenings in the next few weeks, and that's just a pain in my ass. Yes, I wanted evenings but this is EVERY evening. Bah.

So, the decision is made. I'll finish up the scheduled shifts which will bring me to September 9th, I believe. Then, no more discounts!

Besides, it's kinda bad when you're told by everyone you mention it to (including your department manager) that it's better to leave if there's another job.

Decisions Decisions

Very soon, I need to come to a decision. Once September starts, I can join the substitute list, living the exciting life of going to a different classroom every day, or may not get to one at all right away. Either way, my 8-4s will need to be pretty open so that I can take a substitute job at a moments notice.

However, there may be times when I'll get no substitute work and I will need money. With free evenings and (half) weekends, I'll have that time to work. I won't be able to work Wednesday nights and Sundays due to choir and church. That leaves me Monday, Tuesday, Thursday, Friday and Saturday for working. Right now, I'm working two jobs. Either I'd work 2 days at one, 3 at the other, or I leave one.

So here's the big decision. Which one would I do? There are pros and cons to both. Let's look a them, shall we?

The Call Center - I make $11/hour, it would be just in the evenings and I like the people I work with. However, if there's downtime, I won't get work, making it unreliable.

Wal-mart - Reliable hours, I'll always have work and a 10% discount card. However, I make $10.15 an hour. As well, it's stressful, busy and I won't get off until 11pm. At the same time, I haven't been there as long, so maybe I haven't given it a long enough chance. I know it will get busier and more stressful as Christmas gets closer.

So, any thoughts? Attempt to do essentially three jobs, or drop one? And which one? Based on what you know, what would you do?

I don't know

I can't sleep, which isn't great since I need to get up in 5 hours and go to work. I have a mug of warm milk beside me. Doesn't taste the best, but that's not why I drink it. It usually does the job of helping me sleep. Thoughts racing, on the other hand, do not. I don't know if I've done a blog of keep-me-awake thoughts, but I thought it might help.

For the past few days, I've been thinking about someone way too much, even though it's been something like 3 months since I've last saw him. No...it was past that. We had lunch one day. I think that was in June. June sounds right. Last time we were together was May. So, it's been that long. I don't know why he's been running through my mind, but he has. And it fucking hurts.

There are times when I wish I hadn't met him and then I wouldn't be feeling this way now. There are times when I wish he'd call/text/message/whatever and say that the he chose the wrong path, that he wants me back and we can move on. Other times, I just want to move on.

I don't know why I have this problem of letting things go. Maybe that's why I want to run away, so I can physically leave it behind. Physically leaving things behind is easier than mentally and emotionally leaving things behind.

I don't know if he reads this. If he does, he should know who he is based on what I've said.

If he does read this, this is for him: I don't know what I want from you. I don't know if I want to be friends with you or if I want you to pick me or if I never want to see you again. Right now, I could go for all 3 options, but then I'd be disappointed in the one it ended up being. I just want to stop hurting.

I feel like there's more I should say, but I don't know what I want to say anymore.

Things I've Learned at Wal-Mart

Sorry for the lack of updates. Working two jobs can be a little straining and time consuming. But I have realized many things while working at Wal-Mart that I'd like to pass on and make a few requests.

1) Look for things yourself. I don't mind helping people and pointing them in the right direction. Sometimes things can be a little confusing. For example, would a child's baseball glove be in toys or sports? What about a car seat? Toys or infants? Neither of these are in toys. Crafts are a toughie; some are in toys, some are in crafts. But the point is to actually look for something. For example, there's only one place bread would be and that's in the grocery aisle under the big sign "bread".

2) Don't get mad if I don't know where things are. First of all, I haven't even been there a month. Second of all, I get placed in a department and that's the area I know best. I might know what area something is in. I know that some things are more likely in furniture than housewares, seasonal or sports, but I don't know the exact location. Nor do I know if there are anymore of the products in the department I don't work in. 9 chances out of 10, what's there is there, except in seasonal, which has it's only little storage place since a lot of things you want are in big boxes that need to be there. But yes, please be patient as I'm trying to help you and learn in the process. I am not a computer that knows exactly where everything is.

3) Don't steal my cart. Frequently, I've returned from break (or sometimes helping another customer!) and my cart is gone. The things I have placed in the cart are left on the floor or randomly put on the shelf. The cart is there for a reason. If there are items that aren't suppose to be in my department, or items that are broken/stolen bits/etc., I have to bring them to the proper place. It's easier to put them in the cart and go once than go a million times a day. However, I noticed that leaving my pricing gun in the cart helps prevent cart theft. I might continue to this is.

4) If your child random throws thing on the floor, be nice and pick it up. It's ok if it's not in the right place, but it's 10 times safer on a shelf than on a floor.

That's all I can think of right now. I'm actually pretty tired, since I've been getting up at 6am lately.

If I think of something else, watch for another post.