This is Halloween

Today is Halloween, despite what the weather is like outside in my corner of the world. Rain, cold, windy and about 3 degrees Celsius (37 Fahrenheit). We might get kids come to the door. If not, more chips for me. I will be wearing my witch dress to work, which people will either like or have nightmares about, depending on your persuasion.

Either way, since it's Halloween, a night people associate with ghosts, zombies, witches and all things dead, there are people who are against, mostly heavily Christian people (please note, I'm not saying heavily Christian people are anti-Halloween, just that most people who are anti-Halloween are heavily Christian). I don't care if someone is heavily religious. I'd just like it if you had a little background information before belittling other people's beliefs.

Of course Halloween has Pagan influences, but so does other Christian holidays. Many elements of the Christmas story most Christians known are also seen in Pagan and pre-Christian mythology. Easter also has Pagan roots. Google Eostre and see. So why single out Halloween? My guess would be that it's more open. However, people who note Halloween for it's Paganism seem to forget that it has Christian origins as well, that it's called All Hallows Eve, the day before All Hallows, or All Saints.

I guess people just like to use different bits of information for their own personal reasons without looking at the whole picture. I like to think I see more of the big picture, but I could be wrong. I just know that I suck at writing conclusions and bringing things all together (really, you should see some papers I've had to write...conclusions frequently the weak part). But, I think my point here is clear enough that I don't need one. If I do, let me know.

Caped Questions

The following as been running around my head for a while, and it needs to come out in blog form.

Why do some superheros wear capes? Obviously, not all of them do.

At first, I thought it was to help with flying, as some sort of wind resistance. Superman flies, Superman wears a cape. Same with Storm, Underdog and Magneto. However, Green Lantern flies, he has no cape. Iron Man flies, no cape. Human Torch as well. Wonder Woman seems to have both cape and no cape forms.

It's possible that the cape is used because those without the cape can fly without it.

Though that doesn't explain why Batman, the Caped Crusader, has a cape! No, wait, the cape makes him look more like a bat. But then why does Dr.Doom wear a cape? To my knowledge, he does not fly.

Of course, there's the argument used in The Watchmen and The Incredibles which says that capes are deathtraps, getting caught in doors, elevators, jet turbines and so on.

So...what is the point of the Superhero Cape? It doesn't aid in flying if not everyone needs it, and some who wear it don't use it for flying.

I guess the only real reason for the cape, it looks cool.

Family Differences

It's amusing how different people manifest their anxieties, even in my own house. With me, it's all physical. You know I'm anxious when you can see me like Marge here:

I may also be experiencing a panic attack, or freaking out over any physical ailment I'm experiencing.

My brother on the other hand, he's borderline OCD. He's constantly washing his hands, will usually only eat food prepared by himself or by mom in the way that it has always been prepared. For example, Mom makes spaghetti, he's fine. I make spaghetti, no way.

We're both hypochondriacs of course. One of the most common symptoms of Wellbutrin is numbness, tingling, pins and needles in extremities. So, usually tinglings in my arms and fingers. Throw in some heartburn, and I immediately think I'm having a heart attack. It usually takes someone talking me down from it. My brother is also a hypochondriac but I can't give examples for him.

However, my mom is anticipating the phone call from one of us in the future that goes, "MOM!! The baby coughed! Should I take him to the doctor?! Is he going to be ok?!?!".

But I guess the differences in anxiety are due to various things, such as slightly different genetics, slightly different upbringing (the fact he's a male and younger than me shows that). Either way, we both have anxiety issues.

However, I'm more willing to admit it than him.

I don't remember

I've officially been off the pristiq for a week now. The side effects from the withdrawal are more or less gone but there's still some while the wellbutrin is working its way into my system. However, the main one now is feeling like small electric shocks not long before having to take my medication again.

I'll get by, I guess.

This whole thing has made me glad I haven't been called into any schools this past week or so since I was not mentally there at all. Now, I'd like it if the phone rang.

There was something I wanted to write, I know that, but I don't remember what it was. If I remember, I'll write it down.

Side Effects Update

I guess this is my second full day of the pill switch. Here's an update:

- Sleep. I must have spent at least 10 hours in bed last night/this morning and then dozed this afternoon. I don't know if this is withdrawal or new medication.

- Nausea. Worse than yesterday. I can barely sit up straight (I'm currently lounging on the couch at a 45 degree angle. Any higher and I feel like throwing up).

- Head stuff. Mind is not so foggy today and the light headedness comes and go.

- Crying jags. That started today. First, when I tried to explain why I wasn't going to work. Then when I realized I couldn't eat the bananas since they're for baking. Then when I told the cat there wasn't another cat outside.

Appetite is fine though. And my mood is stable...ish. As much as it can be dealing with the side effects. It's mostly the nausea and head that keeps me from work tonight. Hopefully I can make it tomorrow.

Withdrawaling TIme

I went to the doctor on Tuesday and told him about everything that was going on. He gave me a new medication and told me to get off the other. So I'm off Pristiq and on Wellbutrin. Unfortunately, I have to deal with a lot of withdrawal symptoms. Right now I'm dealing with:

- nausea. Not fun at all.

- light-headedness/dizziness. Also not fun. It makes me want to do nothing. This is probably the worst part.

- foggy head/loss of concentration. I hate these because it's....the proof is I can't find the word to describe it.

My mood hasn't changed. I guess that's ok.

Hopefully the new drug will take over soon while I deal with this withdrawal stuff.

In the meantime, I think I should at least lie down for a while, even though it's 12:30 in the morning.

I'm told it takes about 7 days to get over this "detox". This is gonna be a long seven days.

Thanksgiving

Today is Thanksgiving here in Canada. Not sure why we have it earlier than Americans. it might have to do with it being colder so we have to harvest earlier. I honestly have no idea. Either way, I get turkey this weekend.

Despite the yummy eating, it's a time to be thankful for various things. I'm not sure what to say for that. I could say I have my health, but I have this new stomach/acid/gassy thing which is not fun. I have friends, that's not something everyone can say. I do have a job. It's not what I want to do with my life but it's something legal that makes money. In this economy, you do what you can.

I don't think I have my mind, which is a terrible thing to say. Have a very quick....thing with someone, my heart and pride shattered, leading to a depression that I haven't found my way fully out of. I feel like I've peaked with my medication and I'm not where I used to be. Disturbing images pop in my head again periodically. The biggest thing? The car-related anxiety attacks are returning. The first one was back in April, but it was an isolated incident, or so I thought. Then I had a few on the bus. In the past few weeks, about half the time I get in a car, I'd feel one coming. I do everything I can do to avoid them: I read, I talk, I play with the phone, I do some combination of all the above. I don't know why the attacks are coming back and I don't like it.

I have every plan to tell the doctor when I see him in two weeks. It might even get me in to see a psychiatrist quicker.