I guess it's time for the daily updates. My depressive/suicidal thoughts have had no change. Actually, depressive thoughts might have gotten a little worse. Tiredness isn't too bad today. I was good most of the day except after walking to work. I felt a little like collapsing then. I also felt my nausea get worse after walking to work as well. I guess it's the movement. My lucidity has been fairly good. My brain is nowhere near as fuzzy. I did feel a little spacey while in the supermarket, however.
What I'm feeling now sucks. It feels terrible to actually miss someone that you shouldn't. You know better, you know how badly treated you were, but you still wish you had them. And the thing is...you may not have even mattered as much as you would have liked.
And of course, all you can think about is what you did to deserve this, why you always find yourself in this situation. This is why I'm going back to therapy.
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